Do's and Do not Questions to Say to a Bereaved Parent Who Lost
Their Child/Children
It is often said that there is no greater loss than the loss of a child. It is what every parent fears. We do not have any idea what to say when faces of a senseless loss. That is true when children are the victims of tragedy. When a parent loses their child/children they are dealing with various emotions. The worst thing a parent can face is to plan a final resting place for their child. No, parents like to dream of their child going before them. The worst death is a sudden tragic one because the parents do not get the chance to say their final good-bye. People who did not lose a child cannot imagine the mental trauma it causes for the bereaved parent. Some people become very harsh, insensitive, emotionally crude, self center, not thinking and the entire negative adjective that comes out their mouth. They just do not know how to filter their words correctly. Some people expect the grieved parents to move on with their life in a fast pace. Yet, these cancer eating people have no clue that the words they say to the bereaved/grieved parent can trigger in-volunteer negative emotional actions.
You must keep in mind there are questions
you should avoid when people going through emotional turmoil, like a woman who
have been abused constantly by her husband that might make her angry. Yet, you
keep asking the questions over again and you know what she has been through as
a battered woman. The turmoil of being abused does not equate to losing
your child but it has a strong impact when a question is being
constantly asked knowing that it will anger the person. A none abused
woman does not know what a battered woman been through because she never
experience the physical or verbal abuse. Therefore, she is unable to relate
just like a none grieved woman cannot relate to a grieved woman emotional
experience of losing their child.
Parents who never lost their children or people who never had any children think they are saying words to help the bereaved parent but it does not it make
the pain worst. In order for a parent who still has their child to understand the
dynamics of losing a child they have to walk the shoes of the bereaved parent.
Losing a child can be a heart stopper, especially if you lose your only child.
When a parent loses their only child their whole world stop and they become
lonely even if there are hundred people around. Some parents who are grieving do
not want to hear anything about God weather they believe in God or not. You
must keep in mind some people do not believe in God or Jesus Christ. You must
understand the normal and common questions are no longer that to a grieved
parent because they life is no longer normal without their child. So you cannot
expect that grieved parent life to be the same as a parent who still have their
child. Therefore, we cannot treat them as if their child never was a part of
their life or the world and they are not entitled to feel emotionally
unbalanced. Parents who still have their children can celebrate the birth
anniversary of their child day on this earth with joy as the grieved parent are
reminded every anniversary how their child life had ended with grief and
saddens.
Please educate yourself on how to deal with a
grieving friend, family and not be ignorant, selfish or stubborn.
Quote by (Soulality) Naomi Johnson
A fool is set in his own stubborn ways and do not want to learn but draw his or her own conclusion and hold on to his false pride.
A wise man is willing to learn, build and gain knowledge to educate others and himself.
Non bereaved parents / people without children need to know what
questions and statements to say and not to say.
Down below are trigger questions not to
say to a bereaved parent.
1. How
are you doing?
How are you doing is a worst question to
ask a bereaved parent who lost their child/children? This question put the bereaved parent in an awkward position. Yes, we all know that is a
general greeting question but if you where around that person who lost their
child you should know how they are doing. You know that bereaved parent is
stricken with grief.
Non bereaved parent see that it is an
okay question to ask and do not understand why the bereaved parent gets upset.
It is very ignore, self center and stubborn to ask that bereaved parent that
question every time you speak with them. Keep in mind the bereaved parent is not
being selfish because they do not like when a person asks that question, they
are hurting real bad. So please do not say or ask a question that might make
the bereaved person have a mental and emotional set back. Respect the
grieving parent wishes by not asking question that set them off to a suicidal
state or an emotional breakdown.
The none bereaved person think, if they
keep asking the bereaved parent how are they doing, they will finally give into
that none bereaved parent world and say I am okay. Non grieved parent should
not try to conform the bereaved parent into their way they feel or should feel.
2. God
just needs another angel.
Portraying God as someone who arbitrarily kills
kids to fill celestial openings is neither faithful to God, nor helpful to
grieving parents. If you feel God need an angel give him your child or say that when your child dies.
3. You have to live your life.
Telling a grieving parent they have to
live their life is like telling that parent your child is gone move on and act
like they never was on this earth.
4. You
are still grieving.
I think that statement is so cold hearten,
mindless, unemotional unattached and foolish. There is no time limited that a
parent should stop grieving. You cannot put a price or time limitation on love
for a lost child. Therefore, if you never lost a child please do not say anything
at all.
5. My
mother lost her child and it is not going to be easy but better.
This statement is stupid for a person to
say to a bereaved parent. We must keep in mind everyone who lost their child
deal with the situation in a different way. Some people relationship with their
child can be stronger and closer than another parent who lost their child. The years a parent invested in the child hurts deeper because of all the milestone that was planned in his or her life.
6. I
know how you feel I lost my mother, brother, father, husband, wife, sister,
aunt, grandmother, grandfather, dog, niece, nephew, aunt and uncle. I know it
hurts.
We can agree that the common emotion
people share is a lost of a loved one but losing a child is different emotions,
especially if you where extremely close. That is a worst thing you can do
is to compare. Never trivialize your love one story by telling a story of your
own. Sharing your story can be okay, if you deliver your message without
comparing. When you give birth or create and nurture a child there is a
different bound/ connection. Receiving nurturing from your mother or another
loved one. The connection is a different closeness. Comparing the loss of your mother
to a child does not make you and the bereaved parent bosom buddies.
7. She/he
is in a better place and they or not suffering anymore.
That statement can be okay when the person
was suffering for a deadly illness that causes them to suffer. However, that
statement does not apply when a person has been tragically killed. We as human
being say things that are commonly used and apply it to all death.
8. You
just sitting and letting the world pass you by or you are letting yourself go
to waste.
How cold hearten that statement is to a
bereaved parent who are trying to live but the pain surpass reality of
missing that child you created, birth and loved so much . The life shift or
change makes it harder for some people to move on.
9. How
can someone help you if you are not helping yourself?
None grieving parent can be selfish and
think that the grieving person life is the same as theirs. It is hard for that
none grieving parent to understand how a grieved parent feels when they have
their child to go home to, celebrating their child birthdays, holiday dinners,
outing etc. While the grieve parents have to face lonely holidays without their
child and face sadness on every anniversary crying for the tragic of their
child life ended.
10. Thank
goodness you have other children, "or' you young. You can have more
kids."
Children are not interchangeable or
replaceable. The loss of a child will always be a loss, no matter how many
other children a parent has or will have. Each child has its own unique
qualities about themselves.
11. I
do not know what to do if it ever happens to my child or WOW you are strong;
I do not know how you do it. Because if something ever happen to my child or
children I will die.
Really. Please keep that statement to yourself.
It is bad enough the bereaved parent have to struggle knowing that their child
is gone, for the none bereaved parent to say that is like you are rubbing
in their face that they still have their child and you do not. No,
bereaved parent are not strong. They may appear to be strong on the outside but
none bereaved parent do not know what that bereaved parents are going through
behind closed doors when they are alone. A person outside can convey one
message and the inside can convey another. Non bereaved parents need to know
stress, depression, loneliness, broken heart are silent killers, stress,
depression, loneliness, suffering, broken hearten and deep grieving is like
another former of cancer it eats away your every being that your are dying
slowly. An idle mind is a dangerous one when a bereaved parent is alone with
their thoughts.
12. He/she
were just was loan to you from God.
The message is that God is so capricious
that God will break parents' hearts at will just because God can. It also
communication to parents and loved ones that they are not really entitled to
their grief.
13. I
will pray for you.
Some bereaved parent do not want to hear
you will pray for them because they wonder know where was your pray when their
child was taken in a horrific way or where was God. It is easy for none grieved
parents to offer their pray because they are not walking the same shoes as the
grieved parent. If you want to pray for that person keep it to yourself and
just do it. No need to make an announcement. What are you trying to gain by
telling the grieve person you are going to pray for them. Only time you should
tell that person you are going to pray for them if they ask you.
14. It
was his/her time and God took them.
Do you really think that God deliver
tragic death? God is supposed to be a good of peace. He does not go around
putting hit out on people. When you say it was his or her time God took
them makes it look like God is a killer. Yes, death is everyone destiny and
everyone have a time to die. However, some people die before their time in the
hands of another human being.
15. God
doesn't give you more than you can handle.
Actually, some people do get a lot more
than any one person should ever have to handle. And it doesn't come from God.
Don't trivialize someone’s grief with a" what does not kill you make
you stronger mentally. Or God is preparing you for something amazing so you can
be a blessing to someone else.
16. We
may not understand it but it was God's will. "He is with God now".
Please do not answer or speak for God.
Unless you are God, don't use this line. Some people who are Christian always
want to answer for God and do God's job. Don't be God you have enough earthly
things to deal with. Let God be God and you be you. Know your roll and place as
a Christian.
17. Going
for a walk it will make you feel better.
Really! A grieving parent can
walk for days but the situation remains the same. They are going back home to
no child. Go for a walk or out for fun is good for other situation but not a
person who lost their child.
18. Let
the dead buried the dead.
Please do not say that because it
is biblical. You must keep in mind you have your child on earth and your
life is wonderful, your faith is high but the grieve friend or family faith is
not there. All they are thinking about wanting their child back on earth with
them. Few people read the bible always trying to quote scriptures to others and
say they live by the God's word. Really, I am sure if you evaluate your
life you really will see you not living by God's word. Also, the above
statement sounds cold hearten and unemotionally attached. It is easy to quote
that scripture when it is not your child.
19. If
something good happen please do not say God gave us favor.
No, grieved parent want to hear anything
about God because to you it is favor but to a grieving person it nothing. If
God go around granting favor a grieving person want God to grant favor with
bring their child back on earth. People who are into God should not push their
belief on a person. Keep your statement to yourself. Everything is a favor to
none grieving person because they did not face the same lost as a grieving
parent. Please do not beat the grieving person upside the head with the bible.
Keep that statement to yourself.
20. Do
not question God?
In the bible God did said ask and it
should be giving, seek you shall find and knock and the door shall open. When
you want to know a question about things you have to ask. Correct! A question
is an asking sentences not a telling one.
21. You
caught up in your own pain that you cannot help me or support what I am going
through.
Asking a grieved person for help and
advice is not a good thing to do. A broken hearten person cannot mend a broken
hearten person. If your problem is not a great lose like losing your child you
should not be selfish and attack the grieving friend or family who lost their
child. Non grieved parent tell a grieved parent they caught up in their own
pain, nine out of ten the non grieved parent are going threw another kind of hurt
that does not involved with losing a child. Therefore, they project their
problems as if the grieved person is feeling that way but in reality the
individual person is indirectly make their problems seems it is the grieved
person problems and attacked the grieved parent because they are dealing with
their life problems and put up a defense. They become hot head and aggressive then start to speak for others how they
feel and not for theme self when they around others.
For example: A non bereaved parent going through other life problems not dealing with a loss of their child will say, you make us feel guilty that we have our children. In reality that is the feeling of the stress parent because they feel emotional hopeless and wishes that the bereaved parent child is with them. The non grieved parent who are going through other stress need to seek professional help (Psychologist) to learn how to deal with their problems and not make it the grieved parent problem.
For example: A non bereaved parent going through other life problems not dealing with a loss of their child will say, you make us feel guilty that we have our children. In reality that is the feeling of the stress parent because they feel emotional hopeless and wishes that the bereaved parent child is with them. The non grieved parent who are going through other stress need to seek professional help (Psychologist) to learn how to deal with their problems and not make it the grieved parent problem.
Parents who are grieved or stressing
from other matters like non lost of a child can be rectifiable. As for the
parent who had lost their child is not because this situation is not corrected
it is for the rest of their duration on earth. The grieved parent is only
trying to tell a none grieved parents do not to offer any suggestion. Because
they never experience the same emotional trauma of losing his or her child when
their child is still living.
22. Are
you all right? Or what is wrong?
Some people ask questions and really know
the answer if they know what you are going through or if you told them about
your lost. I said to the none grieved person think before you ask.
23. At
least you still have his or her memory be grateful or thankful for that.
When a none grieved parent make this
statement they are make an attempt to minimize the pain and they should less
their grieving. Some grieving parents do not want to hear that they have their
child memories and some might do not mind this statement. If the grieved parent said to you they do not like that statement, let it be. I think that is an incentive remark and self center statement to say. It like
tell the grieved person to settle with the memories and move own. In some
aspect it is like the parent who still have their child on this earth is
throwing that they still have their children to hold on to and the grieved
parent have their memory to hold on. Non grieved parent must understand that
with some grieved parents the memories of their lost child hurt because they
will never have that again. Every day that grieved parent craves for their
child physical touch, love, conversation and all of life things that involves
physical connection. It is best for the non grieved person to say nothing
because they can make the problem worst.
24. God
Has a Plan
Do not tell a parent who lost their child
that "God Has a Plan". This statement might not make the bereaved
parents feel better about the situation and make them potentially feel upset
with God. This phrase implied that this tragedy was a part of God's planned.
You make is sound like God plot out to tragedy end your loved ones life.
25 I
know how you feel.
Every person is different and no one truly
knows how someone feels. Unless you have lost a child, you should not tell a
grieving parent you know how they feel. Do not compare the death of another
relative, such as an aunt, uncle, mother, father, brother, sister etc., to the
death of a child. This comment puts attention on yourself it takes away the
matter in hand. Please do not use this statement if you never lost a child. On
the other hand, if you did lost a child to and illness not to a tragic death there
is no comparing.
26. He
is not here but his spirit is with you.
Even if a none grieving person feels that
way and it is the truth. No grieving parent want to hear that because it is not
like having their child with them. By making the above statement minimized the
grieving parent rights to grieve. It is like that is all you have to settle for
his spiritual present or look on the bright side he is gone but his spirit is
with you.
27. It's
time to put this behind you now or (don't dwell on it).
Loss can feel fresh for a while, so
telling a grieving person to just get over it sounds pretty cruel. People think
you should be done grieving after a year. An individual should respect the grieving
process and also understand that the grief can rise up on birthday, holiday and
other reminders. Grief is not something you get over.
28. Everything
happens for a reason.
When you lose someone you love, it is
difficult to agree death was some grand cosmic plan. We must be careful not to
make assumption, because everyone act differently according to the age, gender,
personality, culture, value system, the way a child life ended, past experience
with loss and available support. When a parent’s witness, read or someone tell
them how their child life tragically ended, it is an image that plays in their
head over and over again. The image is there for a life time and the none grieved
parents do not have any clue the mental torment that parent is relieving
everyday in their mind. So, please do not think this grieving parent’s life is
the same before the ending of their child life or after. I suggest a none
grieved person skipped the clichés.
29. It
is not all about you?
When a non grieving parent tells a
grieving parent it is not all about them. It is telling the grieving parent
they have no right to feel the way they do, as if it is about the none grieved
person. How selfish a person can be to make a bold statement like that, so if
it is not about the bereaved parent who is it about. Of course it is about that
grieving parent they the one who lose their child and never going to see their
child again. Do not make that parent feel like their child death has been
minimized. It is their time to grieve so keep the focus on them.
30. It
will get better with time.
Refrain from saying things that you do not
know to be true. It may take parents an entire lifetime to get over the lost of
their child.
31. Try
not to cry, He or she does not want you to cry. I know how you feel. He wants
you to live on.
This is a common statement everyone uses
because they feel this will help the grieved parent to heal with the grieving
process. I think this is the worst thing you can say to a grieved parent,
because we never really know how someone else feels. It tends to make grievers
angry. It sends some sought of guilt that they should not cry.
32. You
doing great.
Thanks, but wearing a social mask does not
mean a grieving parent is doing great. It is best to say, it is good to see
you.
33. Now
that your child is gone, you should consider getting a dog. They’re wonderful
companions.
That can be an insult to some grieved
parent. It like saying animals can place the loneliness and void in your
life.
34. We are somewhat in the same situation
or we are somewhat going through the same thing.
If a non grieved parent lost their child
through social disagreement between one another that caused a wedge of
separation and the child disowned them does not compare to physically losing
their child. If you have not lost a child physically by illness or in a tragic
way, there is no way you can make a comparison. You are no way in somewhat the same situation. Because the non grieved
parents have the opportunity to mend their relationship as a grieved parent
does not have that opportunity anymore. The grieved parent who dealing
with separation with their child because of disagreement, make the above
statement is dismissing the grieved parent feelings. And trying to make their
problem worse than the grieved parent. A grieved parent who are dealing with
a non death separation with their child who makes the above statement is
incentive, selfish, self center, ignore, caught up into their own pain/grief, hot head, dealing with their own tunnel vision and missing the
reality that a bereaved parent is no longer going to spend those special
moments together. The parent who are dealing with non lost of their child separation are able to restore their differences and be able to have grandchildren. As the grieved parent who loss their children and their children never had children, they will never have the opportunity of being a grandparent. There will be no offspring to reminded them of their beloved child.
35. You'll feel better eventually.
Maybe, but unless you've lost your own child, you're not qualified to make this prediction. On the other hand, if you lost a child and make this statement, you must keep in mind everyone deal with lost differently. What work for one grieved parent does not work for the other.
35. You'll feel better eventually.
Maybe, but unless you've lost your own child, you're not qualified to make this prediction. On the other hand, if you lost a child and make this statement, you must keep in mind everyone deal with lost differently. What work for one grieved parent does not work for the other.
36. Just think about he/she did not suffered when he/she
was killed.
Do you really think it a good mental picture for a parent even if
their child suffers or not. Just knowing their child life was taken in a
traumatic way. This statement does not easy the grieved parent pain. The
thought of never seeing their child is heartbroken. Please do not add fuel to
the emotional fire.
37. I know a person in a worst situation
than you.
What
situation can be worst than losing your child especially in a tragic way that
their body part is destroyed to the point you cannot recognized them. Do you know the mental toll it is on that mother
knowing her child made had suffered? The
parent will never be mentally right doing the duration of her life.
I know a mother who is permanently disable with one child and that only child was financially
support his mother and physically helping her with everyday life chaos.
Suddenly, the child was taken away in a tragic way and the mother has the
mental images the way her child body was disfigure. Now, this mother is not
only grieving of the lost of her only child, she has horrible images how her
child went and she is suffering with trying to defend on her own as a disable
person. Should you say her situation is worse
off than another person? Yes, you can because this mother is dealing with two
lost, the lost of her child and the lost of her everyday support. Please, if you never deal with trauma like
this it is best to keep your mouth close. You are just making the problem
worst.
38. Are you over the lost of your child yet?, or Have you gotten closure yet? or You have not find peace with the lost of your child yet?
This is sometimes a not-so-subtle implication that we should be "back to normal" by now. The truth is that a bereaved parent will never be "back to normal". What we know as normal is forever gone. There is never any peace in your world when your child is gone, especially if you lost a child in a catastrophic way. Those images will be forever be in your mind as long as you are on this earth. We will never be the same people we were before we went through the loss of your child.
39. God takes all the good ones. or All the good ones go for a reason. or Only the good one goes.
Really, What is the reason? If God take all the good ones why he did not take yours. When a non grieved parent make this statement you make it sound like that child is to good for you so you did not deserved your child.
40. God picks his best flower first. or God save his hardest battles for his strongest soldiers.
What does this mean by God's pick his best flower first? This statement makes no sense. Why does God need mine child to be his soldiers when he can create a lot of them.
41. You need a boyfriend to occupy your time. or You need to start going on dates.
Have a companion does not keep your mind off losing your child. Nor does it replace the company of your child. This statement is a special kind of stupid.
42. God only take the good ones.
If you feel that way asks God to take your child or say it when your child die since you feel that way or he needs a good child. You make it sounds like the child was not good enough for the grieved parent so God need to end his or her life in a horrific way. If God feel the child was too good why will God end a child life in a disastrous way.
43. If you have sex it will easy the pain and relieve your stress.
This statement is another kind of stupid too. Having sexual relation will not take your mind off the lost of your child. Sex is a temporary gratification but it will not help the problem at hand.
44. Want you volunteer at a school or other place.
I think this suggestion is not good. Keep in mind a parent is grieving over losing their child. Now, why do you think they want to work with someone else child/children. It will remind them of their lost of his or her child. A grieved parent volunteer at a place is not a healing remedy. Yes, it might keep their mind occupied but when that grieved parent is home by him or here self at night they will start thinking about their child. I understand non bereaved parent or people who never had any children are trying to help by suggestion things for them to do. Please do not help let a professional who is skilled in this area do his or her job. (Your job as a caring friend or relative is not to say anything and give the bereaved parent your ear and shoulder to cry on. This advice will not make a bereaved parent angry with you).
38. Are you over the lost of your child yet?, or Have you gotten closure yet? or You have not find peace with the lost of your child yet?
This is sometimes a not-so-subtle implication that we should be "back to normal" by now. The truth is that a bereaved parent will never be "back to normal". What we know as normal is forever gone. There is never any peace in your world when your child is gone, especially if you lost a child in a catastrophic way. Those images will be forever be in your mind as long as you are on this earth. We will never be the same people we were before we went through the loss of your child.
39. God takes all the good ones. or All the good ones go for a reason. or Only the good one goes.
Really, What is the reason? If God take all the good ones why he did not take yours. When a non grieved parent make this statement you make it sound like that child is to good for you so you did not deserved your child.
40. God picks his best flower first. or God save his hardest battles for his strongest soldiers.
What does this mean by God's pick his best flower first? This statement makes no sense. Why does God need mine child to be his soldiers when he can create a lot of them.
41. You need a boyfriend to occupy your time. or You need to start going on dates.
Have a companion does not keep your mind off losing your child. Nor does it replace the company of your child. This statement is a special kind of stupid.
42. God only take the good ones.
If you feel that way asks God to take your child or say it when your child die since you feel that way or he needs a good child. You make it sounds like the child was not good enough for the grieved parent so God need to end his or her life in a horrific way. If God feel the child was too good why will God end a child life in a disastrous way.
43. If you have sex it will easy the pain and relieve your stress.
This statement is another kind of stupid too. Having sexual relation will not take your mind off the lost of your child. Sex is a temporary gratification but it will not help the problem at hand.
44. Want you volunteer at a school or other place.
I think this suggestion is not good. Keep in mind a parent is grieving over losing their child. Now, why do you think they want to work with someone else child/children. It will remind them of their lost of his or her child. A grieved parent volunteer at a place is not a healing remedy. Yes, it might keep their mind occupied but when that grieved parent is home by him or here self at night they will start thinking about their child. I understand non bereaved parent or people who never had any children are trying to help by suggestion things for them to do. Please do not help let a professional who is skilled in this area do his or her job. (Your job as a caring friend or relative is not to say anything and give the bereaved parent your ear and shoulder to cry on. This advice will not make a bereaved parent angry with you).
45. Now that your child is gone you can do
what you always want to do. You have a chance to live for yourself. Take a
vacation.
WOW. A non bereaved person or people who
do not have any children do not watch what comes out their mouth. This
statement make it sounds like the grieved parent child was a burden and he or
she was stopping them from whatever they wanted to do. A vacation is not going to
help a grieved parent especially when they are used to take a vacation with their
child. It will remind the parent the fun and happiness they once had with their
child and no longer will experience. Do you really think a parent want their
child to die to free up their time or relieve their burden? To a grieved
parent living for their child and support them are a wonderful feeling. Please
refrain from making this foolish statement.
46. I know a person in a worst situation than you.
What situation can be worst than losing your child especially in a tragic way that their body part is destroyed beyond the point of recognition and the parent witness the fatality. Also, the parent is disabled and the young adult was financially/ physically providing for the parent. Do you know the mental/emotional toll it is on that mother knowing her child made had suffered and she is left to try to defend for herself with a disability? The parent will never be mentally, physically and emotionally be the same during the remainder of his or her life on this earth.
47. We are not going to have a pity party. Let's allow positive energy to come.
Really, what positive energy comes from losing a child? This statement is asinine and foolish. A grieved parent is not looking to have a pity party. They are in a great deal of pain. Once again this statement comes from a person who do not have any children or still have their children on earth, so they do not know the deep embed lasting pain comes along with losing a child. This statement can come from a person who is dealing with their own hidden stress and trying to make the grieved parent feel guilty from grieved the lost of their child. People like this are leaches that trying to suck out the little energy you have.
46. I know a person in a worst situation than you.
What situation can be worst than losing your child especially in a tragic way that their body part is destroyed beyond the point of recognition and the parent witness the fatality. Also, the parent is disabled and the young adult was financially/ physically providing for the parent. Do you know the mental/emotional toll it is on that mother knowing her child made had suffered and she is left to try to defend for herself with a disability? The parent will never be mentally, physically and emotionally be the same during the remainder of his or her life on this earth.
47. We are not going to have a pity party. Let's allow positive energy to come.
Really, what positive energy comes from losing a child? This statement is asinine and foolish. A grieved parent is not looking to have a pity party. They are in a great deal of pain. Once again this statement comes from a person who do not have any children or still have their children on earth, so they do not know the deep embed lasting pain comes along with losing a child. This statement can come from a person who is dealing with their own hidden stress and trying to make the grieved parent feel guilty from grieved the lost of their child. People like this are leaches that trying to suck out the little energy you have.
48. No one want
to hear about your lose because that is your personal problem you have to deal
with.
Yes, we know when a parent lose their child it is their personal
lost. However, if a non grieved parent feel that way keep those feelings to
yourself because that above statement is selfish, incentive, not compassionate
and inhuman remark to say. That parent who have their child is saying to a
grieved parent do not put your pain or problems on me. I still have my child.
People who have never lost a child or never had a child have a nasty hasty
attitude and a cold response to a vulnerable and emotionally torn bereave
parent.
49. WOW! Your
child life was taken by a big company. You will never have to worry about money
ever in your life. Or this is how your child wants to take care of you.
People who make this stupid remark need to
stop thinking about their money problems. Do you think that the grieved parent
want money instead of their child? No amount of money can place their child. Do
you think a child who has a lot to live for want to kill themselves to
financially take care of their parent? I am sure the child wants to on this
earth with their parent to enjoy the wealth. This statement is foolish and
insulting.
50. I am tiered of walking on egg shells around you and have to watch every word I say.
Here are things to say or do.50. I am tiered of walking on egg shells around you and have to watch every word I say.
This
statement is selfish, incentive, rude, shows lack of patient, bull headed, hurtful, malicious, tasteless, self center, aggressive, judgmental and controlling. This type of
person wants to be in control over everything and everyone. However, they have no
control of their emotions. They feel lost or less of a person if they cannot
dominate or control everything in front of them. People like this do not have any
sense of judgment or control over their mouth or their feelings. They feel that
they have to put up a defense because someone is telling them what to do. Therefore, they through insults as a shield of protection and wound the wounded (the grieved parent). The grieved parent are already dealing with an ever lasting deep emotional wound. And for a non bereaved parent dealing with non lost of their child to wound them some more with insulting words is cruel and tacky. These
people are thinking about them self and no one else, even though they appear to
care for other people feelings. In reality they have no authentic concern in consoling the grieved parent. People like this do not have no self control while under stress. A grieved parent have no interest in
controlling a person, they are just looking for a person to respect their
wishes, space, feelings and be mindful of his/her word usages.
51. Since you lost your child you can turn his or her bedroom to your office or something else.
Really! This is an insult. It is like saying to a grieved parent erase away her memory of their child and the child was not a valuable part in their life. Non grieved parent and people who never had children think that if a grieved parent give away their child belongings will make them move on with their life and forget about their child. No, it does not work like that.
52. You should think about adopting a child because there are other kids who need a mother.
When someone suggests a grieving parent to adopt, it is tell them to go and replaced their child. Keep in mind children are not replaceable. A grieved parent want their child no one else. The years of investment a grieved parent spent with their child is not a replacement or a substitute for the birth of their child with another one.
51. Since you lost your child you can turn his or her bedroom to your office or something else.
Really! This is an insult. It is like saying to a grieved parent erase away her memory of their child and the child was not a valuable part in their life. Non grieved parent and people who never had children think that if a grieved parent give away their child belongings will make them move on with their life and forget about their child. No, it does not work like that.
52. You should think about adopting a child because there are other kids who need a mother.
When someone suggests a grieving parent to adopt, it is tell them to go and replaced their child. Keep in mind children are not replaceable. A grieved parent want their child no one else. The years of investment a grieved parent spent with their child is not a replacement or a substitute for the birth of their child with another one.
53. My
child was killed he was shoot your child was not killed it was and bus accident.
When a bus is speeding and his back wheel jumped the
curb and claim an innocent life that is not an accident it is called
involuntary manslaughter due to reckless driving. Therefore, when you do not
have all the facts at hand please do not assumed and make an ass out of
yourself. This statement is incentive, insult and brutal. It makes the other
grieved parent feel that their child life was valuable than the other grieved
parent.
What right or qualification do you have to
compare a death of your child with another grieved parent, if you
do not have full facts on what happen do not say anything? When a person
child has a dangerous job as a police officer there is a high chance your child
might die. When another parent child job does not have a high death rate like
going to a cashier job the death rate is not considered.
54. My
husband and son almost die but God saved them because I prayed for them. I prayed for your son too even though he save
my husband life it was your son time.
When some people who are into God make this statement is
corrupting and defiling God’s reputation as a loving God. You make it sounds like God have favors and
he likes your family more than the other person. A non grieved parent make it sounds like God
is biases to one Christian child to another and you’re pray works only for your
husband/child.
55. Do not do anything for your child he
is no longer here focus on you it will make you stronger or keep your mind off
your lost. Go and
volunteer at school or nurse home. People who make this statement want a
grieved parent to act as if their child never exists. Telling or advising a
grieved parent to work at a place where children are at is a poor suggestion.
Hello, remember they lost their child so why will suggest them to work with
other people children or be around them. This will make a grieved parent more
miserable because that child can remind them of their child and volunteer in a
nurse home. A grieved parent cannot help them self yet along helping anyone
else. Parents who lost their child can do all the volunteering they want to
keep them occupied but at the ended of the day, it does not take away reality
that their child is not with them. A temporary fix is not an answer to a
grieved parent.
56. Should a grieved parent share their
story about their non living child? Please do not compare your living child story
with a grieved parent non living child story. It is like you are rubbing in their face that you
have your child and they do not. Keep talking about what you did with your
child and plans on what you are going to do later with your child are a hurting
feeling. Keep in mind bragging about you and your child relationship to a grieved
parent is not a good thing to do. It is okay to some grieved parent for a non grieved to share stories about their child but keep it to bare minimum not to the point that your or making the grieved parent feel awkward.
57. You are not the only one who lost a child, their was this women who 10 year old daughter was killed.
Now for a non grieving making to make a statement like this is senseless, heartless and damn right foolish. Grieved parents know that other parents lose their child/children but you cannot grieve for the lost of another parent child. Your relationship with your child is personal and their relationship with their child is personal. You can empathy with the other grieved parent because you share a lost of a child. A person should never compare the death of another child.
58. You are starving your self and that do not make any sense. Why are you not eating? You trying to kill your self.
Non grieved parents do not understand the life cycle changes that go with losing a child. Do you think some grieved parents trying to real kill them self of starvation. When a grieved parent is grieving stress, depression, lose of their child present make a grieved parent not to eat. A parent who lose their child eat pattern changes and some of them do not eat right for a long period of time. It can be months or years before they eat a full balance meal because the stomach decrease in sizes. Please people lets educate yourself and not allow stupid things come out of your mouth.
57. You are not the only one who lost a child, their was this women who 10 year old daughter was killed.
Now for a non grieving making to make a statement like this is senseless, heartless and damn right foolish. Grieved parents know that other parents lose their child/children but you cannot grieve for the lost of another parent child. Your relationship with your child is personal and their relationship with their child is personal. You can empathy with the other grieved parent because you share a lost of a child. A person should never compare the death of another child.
58. You are starving your self and that do not make any sense. Why are you not eating? You trying to kill your self.
Non grieved parents do not understand the life cycle changes that go with losing a child. Do you think some grieved parents trying to real kill them self of starvation. When a grieved parent is grieving stress, depression, lose of their child present make a grieved parent not to eat. A parent who lose their child eat pattern changes and some of them do not eat right for a long period of time. It can be months or years before they eat a full balance meal because the stomach decrease in sizes. Please people lets educate yourself and not allow stupid things come out of your mouth.
1. Do not say anything?
If you do not know what to say do not say
anything at all, just listen and give that grieving person your shoulder to cry
on. Do not feel you need to fill the empty space with talking. Get comfortable
with silence and just be present with the grieved parent.
2. I don't believe God wanted this or
willed it.
A grieving friend or family member is
likely hearing that this is God's will from a number of other people. Affirm
this idea that it may very well not be.
3. It's okay to be angry, and I am a safe
person for you to express that anger to if you need to.
Anger is an essential part of the grieving
process but many don't know where to talk about it because they are often
silenced by others when they express their feelings, including anger, with you
helping the grieving person now where they can turn.
4. I hope all is well.
When you say to a grieving friend that you
hope is all is well it let them know you have their health in best interest.
5. If you need an ear to listen I am here
for you.
You are letting your friend know that you
are by their side what all different emotions they will let out.
6. It’s not okay.
It seems so obvious, but sometimes this
doesn't get said. Sometimes the pieces don't fit. Sometimes nothing works out
right and sometime there is no way to fix this problem. Naming it can be
helpful for some because it lets them know you won't sugarcoat their grief.
7. I do not know why this happen.
When trauma happens, the shock an emotion
comes first but not long after comes our human need to try to explain. "Why"
The reality is that often we cannot. The grieving person will likely have heard
a lot of theories about why a trauma occurred. Sometimes it's best not to add
to the chorus, but to just acknowledge what you do not know.
8. I can't imagine what you are going
through, but I am here to support you in whatever way feels best.
Even if you have faced a similar loss,
remember that each loss is different, Saying "I know how you're
feeling" is often untrue. Instead, ask how the grieving person is feeling
and then ask what you can do to help. Then, do it and respect the boundaries
around what they don't want help with at this point. Do not get upset with them
either. You will be putting some control back into the hands of the grieving
person, who often feels like they have lost so much of it.
9. Offer open ended support.
If there anything I can do please let me
know, I'm willing to help in any way.
10. I offer my sincere condolence.
"I am saddened to hear about your loss".
11. I am thinking about you on this special day or You are in my thoughts.
On birthdays and holidays please refrain from saying Happy birthday, Happy New Years, Merry Christmas etc. Keeping in mind there is not anything happy or merry for a grieving parent who used to shared these special holidays, celebration, events or anniversary.
12. Call the parent and give them someone to talk to.
Say, their is no words for me to say.
13. Allow the grieved parent to talk about their child
Do not avoid them or change conversation.
14. When greeting a bereaved parent in the morning say, morning not good morning. What is good about the grieving parents morning? Every morning, evening, day and night is like a nightmare is playing over again with sadness.
"I am saddened to hear about your loss".
11. I am thinking about you on this special day or You are in my thoughts.
On birthdays and holidays please refrain from saying Happy birthday, Happy New Years, Merry Christmas etc. Keeping in mind there is not anything happy or merry for a grieving parent who used to shared these special holidays, celebration, events or anniversary.
12. Call the parent and give them someone to talk to.
Say, their is no words for me to say.
13. Allow the grieved parent to talk about their child
Do not avoid them or change conversation.
14. When greeting a bereaved parent in the morning say, morning not good morning. What is good about the grieving parents morning? Every morning, evening, day and night is like a nightmare is playing over again with sadness.
15. Tell me how you feel is a good simple phrase to say.
This lets the parent open up and talk in any direction wished and
cry or scream if they want to as well.
16. Calling me at any time if you ever need to talk.
Allow the grieved parent to talk about their demise child and express as much grief as they are able or willing to share with you. Do not change topics. Be patient with them over the phone even if they are not talking.
17. Ask a grieved parent can you give them a hug when you around them.
Because you do not know if they want to he held or not. Learn how to give good hugs, The bereaved need every heartfelt hug they can get.
16. Calling me at any time if you ever need to talk.
Allow the grieved parent to talk about their demise child and express as much grief as they are able or willing to share with you. Do not change topics. Be patient with them over the phone even if they are not talking.
17. Ask a grieved parent can you give them a hug when you around them.
Because you do not know if they want to he held or not. Learn how to give good hugs, The bereaved need every heartfelt hug they can get.
