Thursday, June 8, 2017

Bereaved Parents of Adult Children Conversation

Bereaved Parents of Adult Children

I will like to share with my bloggers and the internet world how grieving mothers are judge, bully, torched and ridicule by family members. Down below is my conversation I had with a Bereaved Parent of Adult Children Support Group. You have people who never lost a child always give you their negative views on how you should act like your child never existed on this earth. Please feel free to share your opinion on this conversation and other grieving mothers comments to me. If you never walked in our shoes please do not put any insulting comments. You must understand that mothers who lost their children by illness view their child death different than mothers who the child was murder at the hands of another human being. or Who the child was in a car accident? When a child is sick the mother has the opportunity to prepare them for their child to dismiss and get to hold them; also to spend those last moment with them on this earth before they transition. 

Hello My Grieving Mothers
I need someone who understands me as a grieving mother to talk with. I want to share with you all a heartless insensitive conversation I had with a family member pertaining to the death of my son, I had with a family member who calls herself a Christian. I called her on a matter does not pertain to my son but she took the liberty of telling me about a mother and father who son was killed and how they moved on but still grieves. I told her I did not want to hear about that then I moved on to another topic but she did not want to leave the conversation alone. She told me that she wants me to move on dealing with my son death because it is the pass and I should not be concerned with the pass. I told her I cannot grieve for their child like they will not grieve mind. Then I told her that they have each other and I have no one that I am on this earth all along with a nerve damage disability that makes me fall on the floor and leave me immobile and incoherent. I told her my son was my only child and he was here to take me to the doctor, pick me off the floor, cook for me, clean for me and drive me to places. She told me, yeah but you need to move on because we all have to die and you go to move on and do better. I told her you are rude, intensive and live in a world of fantasy. I told her it is easy for her to say that because she still has her daughter on earth and her seven grandchildren, therefore, your world is great with no problems. She told me she feels like ending her life because her life is not great because she has a money problem and other problems. I told her those problems are rectifiable and the problems you caused but people like me we did not cause our problems. We grieve every day and how you going to tell me to move on. I told her I live with images seeing pictures of gruesome details of my son's brain matters all over the road when the lawyer pulls out the picture in front of me. And descriptive details on how my son brain matters were in the back wheel by a retired judge who was the lawyer. The judge lies and said my son was on the street chasing the bus down and I told him that is a lie because I saw the pictures where my son's sneakers were on the curb and his remain was close to the curb. Also, I read the witness statement when he said he saw the driver run over my son twice while my son was at the front door knocking hard to get on. The judge got upset and said the bus front wheel did not kill your son it was the back wheel when I told my cousin that she told me but still you have to go on with your life. I told her I live with these images and cannot drive anymore because every time I look at a bus see the graphic images and cry plus scream. I told her she has no clue what I am going through and it sounds easy to her because she never walked my shoes. I am devastated and just want to be happy again. I am living in hell and in a bad nightmare without a rewind button, turn off switch or a pause button. It has been 4 years and 10 months and two weeks my son were gone. My son was my best friend and my world. The bus driver never was charged. I heard the police and NJ Transit / Community Coach USA Bus Company lawyers tell the driver he did not do anything wrong and the head prosecutor detective is going to take care of everything. He gets to go home to his family. Sorry for the long note.




Sad
Angry
Comments
Christine Start Warren
Christine Start Warren I am so sorry ! I grieve with you.
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson Thank you.
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Na Johnson

Maureen Grace Everyone Grieves differently. I am four months out. I can understand the neuromuscular disease because I have one. It is CMT. What you need to do is try to do things to get over it but that doesn't mean you will get over it. I've been trying to get involved in the things that used to make me happy like my dogs and my gardening everything reminds me of Britney. She was beautiful and 28 and just graduated from college and never even knew she got her diploma. It's a heartbreaker. Maybe your friend is trying to help you but she's just saying it all wrong. People don't know how to talk to us. They say the wrong things all the time but how did they know what the right thing is. I'm sorry you had that gruesome memory.
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson Thank you, May I ask what do you mean by I need to get over it? What is it you pertaining too? I you saying I should get over my son or my nerve damage.
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Maureen Grace
Maureen Grace Now you can't get over your nerve damage. I have nerve damage also. No you have to try to do things to try to get yourself healthy mentally. You will not get over the death of your son ever but with how close you two were he would want you to live again. Try to find something that makes you happy although you will remember him every minute
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 · Reply · May 26 at 2:55pm · Edited
Maureen Grace
Maureen Grace That was supposed to say no you cannot get over your nerve damage. It wouldn't let me change what was at the top
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson May I ask, what is CMT?
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Maureen Grace
Maureen Grace Charcot Marie Tooth disease. 1 out of 2,500 people have it. It is diagnosed by nerve testing and blood work. It causes degeneration mostly of the nerves of the legs and feet first and then of the hands. I walk with leg braces and a crutch
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 · Reply · May 26 at 3:22pm · Edited
Na Johnson
Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki I am so sorry for such a great loss, my son passed feb 14-2016 and yes u are right that some people don't get what we're going thru, ask your friend if they want to trade places? Ppl are insensitive and some don't even care. My X-husband father of my son didn't even care about him when he was alive and cried like a bby at his funeral that he didn't even pay a penny for and had the nerve to call me a MURDER!! cuz I didn't do enough to get him off drugs my son was 28 when he passed. We were so so very close and I love him unconditionally and miss him that I been physically n mentally SICK, what ppl say to u or about ur son, FUCK THEM, they don't know. Just love your angel son and look forward to the day of your reunion
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson Thank you Sandra for those words and not saying you are going to pray for me. My son father was the same way he did not give a damn about my son. He was mad that I broke up with his sorry ass when he got another woman pregnant when I was pregnant. Then he told me I cheated oh him but he got a woman pregnant when I was pregnant. His father told me if I do not take him back that he was not going to take care of our son Deshon. His father did not give me one penny for my son either. I do not know if he knows my son is gone but I am sure if he knows, he might do the same thing. Cry like a baby. Go figure. Thank you for sharing with me about your beloved son's heavily transition.
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Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki Yes I will definitely pray for your son, I also pray to Jesus and God for all the mothers around the world no matter if they are here or across seas. We are very special in the eyes of God, our tears are a different chemical make up and only we as grieving mothers know the feeling. I feel you. We all do but your family don't, grieving mothers are lifted up to heaven, your son is very handsome and never talk past tense about him he IS HERE with you
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Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki Sounds like a cover up obout the accident, they will have to answer to God when it's their time, you grieve how, when and for how ever long , as for me I will ALWAYS be sad and grieving, much love to you and your son hugs n kisses, yes many prayers also
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson You right it is a cover up. I saw the evidence. I saw a blurry video when the driver get up and said he saw someone running. The detective and NJ Transit/Community Coach USA bus driver lawyer stopped and said wait to your rights is being read. Then the...See More
Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki Bus drivers are mean ppl here in Detroit, my daughter was waiting in my car each morning to get a bus and she got out and stood in front of the sign in time and she blew right past her like a bullet, speeding. So my daughter got in my car and we got th...See More
Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki That is so sweet that your son came to you and told u what really happened and who it was!! Your son won't lie
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Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki Keep your son in your heart next to Jesus
Na Johnson
Na Johnson Sandra Sawicki It is amazing you said that he won't lie. Do you know he said that to me? He said mommy I will not lie to you because you told me told me to tell the truth, I am telling the truth. He repeatable told me the drive saw me. Find out he saw my son twice when he flag the bus down and when my son ran up to the front door.
Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki Your son would not or could not lie because he is in a place that won't allow him to, I believe your son souly because he CANT lie so the lawyers n shit better open their eyes
Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki I think and feel heartbreak for every mother in any situation that last a child wether it's drugs accidents suicide disease starvation murder , no matter what I pray, no one has to ask me cuz I just do it out of respect for the broken hearted mother
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson Sandra Sawicki Thank you for your sympathy once again but I am not into Jesus. I have nerve damages that my right side moves involuntarily that I am immobile. I cannot cook, drive clean up or drive and Jesus is not here to help me out. My son used to help me out. He used to pick me up off the floor when my tremors go off. I do not have that anymore. I am on this floor. Jesus is not helping.
Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki In his way, God knows his plan for all, he is the master , the giver and the taker, I believe in God the almighty and will see my son some day, ppl that suffer here on Earth get higher in heaven were only here for a certain time , heaven is forever, sorry it sounds like I'm preachin but believe me you will be greatly REWARDED
Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki I saw on your page how close u and ur son are and loving, your a beautiful woman n he is a handsome son, I read a post u put up about how your afraid to die untill you lose a child and then ur afraid to live, WOW SO TRUE
Na Johnson
Na Johnson Sandra Sawicki I was into the word and now I am not. I do not like when people trying to push God up on me or preaching to me. I believed you cannot speak for God... By my son get killed in a tragic way is not God plan for him, by me to see the image of my son's brain on the road is not God plan for me. I’m living alone with a disability suffering, it’s not God plan. God does not take your child in a tragic manner. By you saying that it is like you are calling God a killer. In the bible it speaks about people are taken before their time. In the bible, it says that I will be blessed to see my children… children. God promises me that in his word. God said you will see the blessing to see the fruit of his labor. My son did not see the blessing of his labor nor did he have any children. You cannot speak for God. So, I guess God plan is to see me suffer. I became disabled when the Bloomfield police in NJ was chasing a stolen car on Wednesday, July 18, 2007, on my way coming from work. I was fighting for my life. My son gets killed five years later Wednesday, July 18, 2012, on his way going to work. So, it was God plan to save me with a disability to see my son get killed and leave me on this earth without a helpmate like it says in the bible. I find it to be very offensive when people trying to push God on me when they do not know the whole story. You must understand that everyone does not believe in God. I did not like when my cousin trying to preach to me and give me her negative energy as a Christian. Now you are trying to preach to me. I did not come on here to be preached to.
 · Reply · May 26 at 8:20pm · Edited
Na Johnson
Maureen Grace  Unfortunately. I don't think there are enough police or Detectives to keep up with all that is happening in the world. I was told in my daughter's case that they have one detective now where they used to have 10. The detective has not called us back in a month. It's disgusting
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson WOW, Yes, it is disgusted. When it first happens to my son the police call me and told me they have a package for me. When I went to Bloomfield police station they told me my son was in a bus accident. I am thinking he was in a car and the car crash into the bus or my son was on the bus and the bus crashed. Come to find out in the newspaper and news it said my son was hit by a bus. As time went on with the new information, come to find out my son was run over twice then dragged. Essex County Prosecutor Homicide did not reach out at all to me. My son best friend mother and I had gone down there. They lie in my face and told me my son was chasing the bus and banging on the door. A friend of mine who is a judge told me to speak to the people myself. I went to the area and interview the businesses. The guy at the gas station told me my son did not run he was sitting at the bus stop.
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Na Johnson
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Teri Gregory Prentice
Teri Gregory Prentice My son died of a rare cancer & it is common to relive their suffering. I had to see a grief counselor for several years that treated me for PTSD. It sounds like you have PTSD as well. Maybe you should seek the help of a counselor. As for your insensitive friend, that is common as well. It takes many years to get to a "new normal" with the death of a child. We never "get over It", but we do learn hope to cope better as the years go on. <3
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Na Johnson
Na JohnsonI was going to a psychologist but that came out to be an explosive situation. She was trying to talk me into agreeing with them saying my son was in the intersection for the sack of money. I told I do not care about the money. She told me in a strong voice oh you will care. I felt hurt for that to come out of her mouth. She said other hurtful things to me. I think the lawyer and she was trying to build trust in me so I can assassinate my son's character along with them. They keep reassuring me they care because my family abandoned me. I feel like they were trying to play cheap psychology on me. I cannot get around getting to another psychologist. Yes, probably have PTSD, Thank you.
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Teri Gregory Prentice
Teri Gregory Prentice I am not talking about a psychologist or psychiatrist...grief is NOT a disease. I am talking about a Grief Counselor.
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Teri Gregory Prentice Such a handsome boy <3
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Sandra Sawicki
Sandra Sawicki I don't mean to offend you or preach but yes I will pray, sorry I took your time
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson Thank you
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Na Johnson
Na Johnson Sandra Sawicki I am not into pray. The bible says, pray without work is dead and it takes two are more to come in agreement. I had a lot of people say they will pray for me but the prayer is not working. When I am on the floor and immobile for weeks and cannot cook, clean up my place or driver where is prayer. My son used to help me out with all of that but prayer is not helping me out but thank you for trying to console me.
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Na Johnson
Linda Maldonado-Coleman
Linda Maldonado-Coleman Sorry! Some people just don't get it. Do you! That person can either accept the fact that no one can put a time limit on grieving or get to stepping. It's not easy. My daughter has been gone two years and one month. I cry every day
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Sheryl Wetzel Roeder
Sheryl Wetzel Roeder You will grieve until the day that you die, but you WILL learn how to live with it
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